i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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