You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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