Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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