ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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