This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
