I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
