I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
