The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
