Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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