I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
