Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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