I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
