Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
