This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize