You just made me feel so damn special
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
