D3 body, D1 cock
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I can tuck mytits in my pants
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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