Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
