Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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