Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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