I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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