God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
