just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
