Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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