Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
