I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
