So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
