he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
