he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
