How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
