I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
