So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
