There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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