hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
