im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
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I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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