I think scott just propositioned me for sex
she woke up with a sticky ear
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
