Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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