he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
