I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i was born a porn star she said
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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