Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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