I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
