Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
