K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
