the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Someone signed my nipple.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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