I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize