he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
