I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
