the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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