Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
