If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
