I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
