The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
