Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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