he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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