Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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