you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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