Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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