I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
