it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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