Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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