dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
