For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
