My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
