That's when you crack a 10am beer
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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