So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
