i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I think my fart just growled at me.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
